im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
it's like heaven, but drunker
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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