i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
