I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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