they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
