I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
