I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
