I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
These tits shall not be calmed
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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