The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
