it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I will die if light touches me.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
