I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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