Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
