Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Randomize
