Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
