Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
