Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Just invented taco cereal.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
