guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
