Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
