So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
