does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
