You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i love accidental penises.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
