She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Randomize
