I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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