The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
