Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
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