apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
