dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
