I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
