Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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