i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
