The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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