people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
