I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Randomize
