I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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