I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
