I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
