he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
