She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm gonna fight the coyote
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
