my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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