Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
