according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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