Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
