My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
