dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
