Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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