Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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