I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
