im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
