oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
