I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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