I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
