first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Randomize
