I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
