I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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